i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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