Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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