I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
