Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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