I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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