So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
