Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
