That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
