Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
