So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
