Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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