I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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