Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
