In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
