I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
