I think I won the penis lottery.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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