he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
