Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
