Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
