Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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