I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
