Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
