I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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