I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
