ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I cut my penus on the lid.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
