Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
