Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
