The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
