Yo dont text me then not text me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
