I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
