if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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