in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
