Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
