I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
