That's intense
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
