I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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