I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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