I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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