When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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