I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
