i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
