That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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