Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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