I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
