you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
