if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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