I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
