Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
