I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
