what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
