allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
