did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
