when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
