someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
