haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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